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You know you're Parsi when...

You know you're Parsi when...

-Your mom wakes you up extra early on the first day of school/your parsi
birthday so that she can do tili and sagaan. You go to school and your
friends ask you why the hell you have rice in your hair.

-You compulsively drink tea at all hours of the day[in India you wake up
your servants at 3 am and tell them to make you tea]

-You stress out over the most ridiculous things.

-You know the precise definition of ben chod and madder chod and you teach
them to your friends.

-You're off the marriage market if you get too tan.

-However, if you're fair enough, it doesn't matter what you look like or how
smart you are, you'll get a decent spouse.

-You know at least 3 ways to use oil. Only 2 of which include cooking.

-You've had to drink cow piss at least once in your life.

-You've bathed in milk and rose petals at least once in your life.

-You've had to change your clothes in front of 400 people, while your mom
and the rest of the women in the family were holding up a cloth so that
nobody could see you.

-You've had to pull off wearing 5-9 yards of silk wrapped around you.

-You've had the equivalent of at least one peg of brandy by age 10.

-Your parents have decided who you should marry by age 10.

-Aunties have seen you as Vohu[daughter-in-law] material since age 5.

-You're ridiculously pampered if you're a boy, especially the first boy.

-Nobody can every pronounce your name and/or last name properly.

-When ordering a drink at Starbucks you've give a name that is pronounceable
to the American public. Ex. Phiroze becomes Phil.

-You give your dog a tili on his/her birthday.

-You buy a new car and the first things you do:
oYou take an egg, spin it around the car seven times
and throw the egg on the ground
oYou put a tili on all 4 tires and on the front bumper.
oYou roll over some lemons and eggs with the tires.

-You've eaten about every single type of food.. "per edu"

-You eat at least 3 eggs a day but will still probably live into your 90's.

-You've been asked why there's a "string" hanging from the back of your
shirt.

-Indians never believe you when you say you're from there.

-People were drunk at your first birthday party.

-If you marry a "parjat"[non-parsi] your parents will disown you for a year
or two but then eventually come around, though never entirely.

-Your uncle gave you champagne when you were 4 days old.

-All of your sadhras have a little red letter on it with your initial.

-Your middle name is your father's name... no if's and's or but's about
it... doesn't matter if you're male or female.

-More than likely your last name ends in –walla, -wala, -vala, or –ia.

-Your last name also more than likely means some type of profession or where
you're from.

-You've felt the need to snap three times when somebody says something bad
or when there's anything that might suggest Ahriman's[the devil's]
influence.

-You'd be skinned alive if you ever wore black to a wedding, navjote or your
own birthday party.

-Wearing a ring on your left hand before marriage is bad luck and means
you'll never get married.

-Our idea of a blessing is to have a bunch of rice and rose petals pelted at
you.

-You've been told never to eat fish with yogurt.

-Never cut your hair on Hormaz roj.

-You are vegetarian on certain days.

-You know that peacocks are bad luck.

-You'd pick yellow gold over any metal any day.

-You celebrate New Year 3 times a year. Once on January 1st with the rest of
the world. Once in Spring for Navroze, and once in August for Pateti.

-You have two birthdays and get presents on both days.

-If you're a girl, you've mastered the fine art of cutting an onion by age
9.

-You've had a cold and been forced to drink milk and haldi, which didn't
even help your cold but on top of that gave you a stomach ache.

-If you're a boy, your mom has to teach you to do laundry when you go to
college or you just save it until you come home.

-You know about the mystical powers of 4711 Eau de Cologne… AKA COLOGNE
WATER because Parsis can't speak French if their life depended on it, and
yet you have a bizarre love for all things British or French

-Your parents make you drink brandy when you're sick, and whisky if they
think you might be getting sick.

-Your friends come to a Parsi party and think you have a ridiculously huge
family because you call everyone auntie or uncle.

-You wore a jabloo as a child.

-You have to go to India or Iran to go to temple.

-You give your dogs either parsi names or name them after alcohol (ie.
Brandy, Whiskey, Rum, Sherry, Gin, etc.).

-Said dog loves parsi food.

-You use expressions like "Khodai!" or "Bapre" or "Oh mari maire" all the
time.



Do Tell How Did You Liked the Post ..................

Comments

Guiv Framjee said…
boy, never knew these things
Anonymous said…
hey Tanaz ....cool post,dear !! request you to write more on and about parsi's.
Iam a non-parsi from U.P.,when for the first tym in life I met a parsi in delhi.... I fell in love with him.
I don't know much about parsi's except for what I studied in class 10th NCERT Social studies book.

Your posts are very resourceful and help me to understand (lesser known)parsi culture ,life and all 'bout them.
keep posting more....thanks.:)
-kriti
Anonymous said…
LMAOOOOOOOOOOO you are one funny parsi gal. great compendium.
Anonymous said…
I would love to marry a cute Parsi girl.

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