You know you're Parsi when...
-Your mom wakes you up extra early on the first day of school/your parsi
birthday so that she can do tili and sagaan. You go to school and your
friends ask you why the hell you have rice in your hair.
-You compulsively drink tea at all hours of the day[in India you wake up
your servants at 3 am and tell them to make you tea]
-You stress out over the most ridiculous things.
-You know the precise definition of ben chod and madder chod and you teach
them to your friends.
-You're off the marriage market if you get too tan.
-However, if you're fair enough, it doesn't matter what you look like or how
smart you are, you'll get a decent spouse.
-You know at least 3 ways to use oil. Only 2 of which include cooking.
-You've had to drink cow piss at least once in your life.
-You've bathed in milk and rose petals at least once in your life.
-You've had to change your clothes in front of 400 people, while your mom
and the rest of the women in the family were holding up a cloth so that
nobody could see you.
-You've had to pull off wearing 5-9 yards of silk wrapped around you.
-You've had the equivalent of at least one peg of brandy by age 10.
-Your parents have decided who you should marry by age 10.
-Aunties have seen you as Vohu[daughter-in-law] material since age 5.
-You're ridiculously pampered if you're a boy, especially the first boy.
-Nobody can every pronounce your name and/or last name properly.
-When ordering a drink at Starbucks you've give a name that is pronounceable
to the American public. Ex. Phiroze becomes Phil.
-You give your dog a tili on his/her birthday.
-You buy a new car and the first things you do:
oYou take an egg, spin it around the car seven times
and throw the egg on the ground
oYou put a tili on all 4 tires and on the front bumper.
oYou roll over some lemons and eggs with the tires.
-You've eaten about every single type of food.. "per edu"
-You eat at least 3 eggs a day but will still probably live into your 90's.
-You've been asked why there's a "string" hanging from the back of your
-Indians never believe you when you say you're from there.
-People were drunk at your first birthday party.
-If you marry a "parjat"[non-parsi] your parents will disown you for a year
or two but then eventually come around, though never entirely.
-Your uncle gave you champagne when you were 4 days old.
-All of your sadhras have a little red letter on it with your initial.
-Your middle name is your father's name... no if's and's or but's about
it... doesn't matter if you're male or female.
-More than likely your last name ends in –walla, -wala, -vala, or –ia.
-Your last name also more than likely means some type of profession or where
-You've felt the need to snap three times when somebody says something bad
or when there's anything that might suggest Ahriman's[the devil's]
-You'd be skinned alive if you ever wore black to a wedding, navjote or your
own birthday party.
-Wearing a ring on your left hand before marriage is bad luck and means
you'll never get married.
-Our idea of a blessing is to have a bunch of rice and rose petals pelted at
-You've been told never to eat fish with yogurt.
-Never cut your hair on Hormaz roj.
-You are vegetarian on certain days.
-You know that peacocks are bad luck.
-You'd pick yellow gold over any metal any day.
-You celebrate New Year 3 times a year. Once on January 1st with the rest of
the world. Once in Spring for Navroze, and once in August for Pateti.
-You have two birthdays and get presents on both days.
-If you're a girl, you've mastered the fine art of cutting an onion by age
-You've had a cold and been forced to drink milk and haldi, which didn't
even help your cold but on top of that gave you a stomach ache.
-If you're a boy, your mom has to teach you to do laundry when you go to
college or you just save it until you come home.
-You know about the mystical powers of 4711 Eau de Cologne… AKA COLOGNE
WATER because Parsis can't speak French if their life depended on it, and
yet you have a bizarre love for all things British or French
-Your parents make you drink brandy when you're sick, and whisky if they
think you might be getting sick.
-Your friends come to a Parsi party and think you have a ridiculously huge
family because you call everyone auntie or uncle.
-You wore a jabloo as a child.
-You have to go to India or Iran to go to temple.
-You give your dogs either parsi names or name them after alcohol (ie.
Brandy, Whiskey, Rum, Sherry, Gin, etc.).
-Said dog loves parsi food.
-You use expressions like "Khodai!" or "Bapre" or "Oh mari maire" all the
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